Some years ago I found myself in a strange situation.

I don’t know how many of you have been in this position, well, this exact position but during the day,  I functioned in the medical/mental health world and in the evenings, in the sports/entertainment world. In the morning, I went to work in my office seeing people who were coping with chronic illnesses and all the attending problems. Then, as often as two or three evenings a week, I changed clothes and met my husband at games, hockey or basketball.

And, I wasn’t just a regular fan. We parked inside the building, driving our car right into the backstage area of at the Capital Centre or the Verizon Center.  We were greeted by all the various people working there; the ushers, the players, security, staff, etc. Then, we went to our suite in a private elevator and sat in two front seats in our suite overlooking the activities on the floor.  Within a few minutes, the lights went out and the noise and strobe lights lit up the building. As I stood there next to Abe listening to the Star Spangled Banner being played and sung, I always thought about the complete change of activity from what I had been doing earlier that day.  Sometimes I would almost need to shake my head as if that would help me to make the transition.

But it wasn’t just the change in activity; it was also the change in the people who I saw and met and spoke to. It required me to use different words, think in different terms, being comfortable with a different culture. The thing was, I never felt that the two ever came together in any way. It was so completely different.

For example: Dressing modestly as psychotherapist working in a hospital versus being a team owner in a glamorous setting.  Or, having hundreds of employees paying homage to the boss in the evening versus sitting across from woman who was coping with breast cancer during the day.

And I always felt that the two never came together in any way.

Until, one evening as I looked at some of the fans sitting near us, I recognized one of the doctors I worked with jumping up and down and screaming at the players. I was in shock. First of all, he was wearing a team t-shirt instead of his white coat. He was surrounded by a group of friends who were also screaming and yelling.  I had to look very hard to make sure that this was the same man who I saw earlier that day to discuss a particular patient.

It was.

I found myself in a state of confusion. Do I wave to him? Do I talk to him? What would I talk about with him?

I literally was thrown for a loop. I never expected to have the two worlds come together. Doctors go to basketball games?

Hello, Irene!!!!!! Doctors do go to basketball games. They are big fans. They play basketball on week-ends with their friends and kids. They know more about basketball than I do.

Believe it or not, I really had a hard time bringing the two experiences together. I used to leave one world and enter another; now I know that it is really all one wonderful big world.

And now we share that…and its fun.

How does one begin to discover one’s own way?  How difficult is this when one is in the midst of grieving? Trying to adjust?

I would say, very!

Yet that is the challenge.  So, while one is struggling with the psychic pain of the separation, one also seeks ways to move on; to recuperate.  Since there is no formula that suits everyone, one needs to look more closely at what are the resources one has available to them.  This includes family, friends, children and religion.  One needs to look at their life situation; what is going on in ones’ life at the particular time. In fact, ultimately, the ability to move on depends on one’s own personality.

It is important; therefore, to recognize the differences.  Everyone will cope differently.   What is the way that you have coped in the past with difficult situations?  What can you remember about how you went through the past crises?

Even while my crises were a few years ago, it wasn’t until recently while I was writing my memoir, that I discovered my way.  Obviously I was doing it but I couldn’t tell you what it was until now. As I was struggling to tell much of my story, one day I remembered something that I tell myself.  I now heard the words that I repeat as I go through each difficult situation. How do I get through this?

What I realized was, that I wasn’t saying, “I can’t handle this,”  or “I give up.”

What I was saying was, “I will search until I find a way. “ It was positive, not negative.

What do I have to do to get THROUGH this?

Well I just told you my way after I told you that one needs to find his or her own way. But I also told you that sometimes one can discover one’s own way by hearing another’s.

I have talked to close friends, family members, my husband, my children, all of whom have had to deal with their own crises and each one does have their own way. Ultimately, it is up to you, the individual, to seek and find and get THROUGH the difficulties that life presents all of us.